ROOTS

i have been thinking about my family roots...my mom and dad...my grandparents...great grandparents etc..

thinking of how they got here, the hard roads taken and choices made that shaped their lives and unknowingly mine.

then i look at my decisions, long roads taken and how these brought me to where i am today...

the saying goes.."that hindsight is 20/20..."is it true?...yep!
i haven't met one person who wouldn't have jumped at the chance to change something they did or didn't do.

i love the song by the group "Room for Two" titled, Roots Before Branches. i love the lyrics..."gotto have roots before branches to know who I am before I know who I wanna be and faith to take chances to live like I see a place in this world for me."

that is exactly what i am thinking!!

my family roots are strong...maybe too strong sometimes...at those times i feel choked, unable to break free and find my own way...to tied down to tradition. then at times the roots loosen and allow me to ket go...fear sets in and i grasp on harder...why can't i just see the path...the path out of the woods to the clear...not clouded by roots? why can't i have faith and let go?

~Beth

STILLNESS

As I sit here in the stillness of the night and think about the events of the day and how they played out, I feel satisfied with how I made it thought today.

I made a conscience effort to have more patience and that did help a bit....not to say that I was at all perfect...because I wasn't, but it was an improvement from the previous day.

I am not a touchy feely kind of gal...I have trouble with patience and showing emotions.

Sometimes I wonder why I don't show more emotion...I am not a cryer...I consider myself strong, independent and a "get to the point, no bullshi*t, reality check" woman.

So what is it, within me, that doesn't allow me to show my emotions?

Why is it that I have to be so tough all the time?

Is it my upbringing with three older brothers being picked on all the time?

Was it being a young independent, responsible single mother? Was it marrying a military soldier that was deployed away from us at times?

What is the fear that holds me from opening up and letting go?

Not being in control?

What would be the worst thing that could happen if I opened up and showed my emotions?

Would I feel calmer and closer to peace? Would it in turn allow me to see my passion? 

Would I then realize that I am never really in control?

I think that sometimes because I am such an "in charge" controlling type of person that I don't allow myself to relax and just enjoy life, therefore allowing the allusive "peacefulness" to slip by me unnoticed. 

~Beth

THOUGHTS

"If you realized how powerful your thoughts are, you would never think a negative thought." ~Peace Pilgrim

thoughts that ramble on through my head...ideas, wishes, seeing myself in a different home, 

different circumstances, dreams coming true...all these random thoughts play on like a movie throughout my mind...

is it just me?

or do you have these thoughts too?

as this movie plays on, over and over again, i am married to my husband and have the same children, 

just a different place and time.

are these thoughts apart of Creating Me?

will these ever come to fruition? or am i just dreaming while awake?

~Beth